9.24.2015

It's been a few days, I noticed on my down days I don't write. Have been feeling extremely tired with no motivation what so ever to do anything. Slept most part of the day or lay on the couch. Had a headache as well.

This morning I feel okay waking up. So we will see how the day goes.

9.20.2015

9:24am

My morning has been dragging. I have a headache and no motivation right now. All I want to do is just sit and do nothing. I hate feeling like this.

Ryan is sleeping and probably will until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. Kids are playing outside. And me, well I'm sitting on the couch continuing to drink my coffee until my body and mind wake up to a functioning level. Some days that just doesn't happen. I hope it's not one of those days. 

Feeling bleh... I can't describe it, just bleh. Worried about finances. Without Ryan not working and no income coming in and him keep spending and spending as if he has a job is killing me and putting me into depression, feeling angry. 

I haven't applied for a job yet. I'm worried no one will hire me with my criminal background and being a stay at home mom for years. No experience except for CNA, which I no longer can do due to my recent charge. I have CSR experience, but that has been years since I did that. I wish there was a call center here in Salina that I could work at. I really don't want to work in a factory but it just might come downto that.

This is just a down day, I feel hopeless.

These funny boys of mine, keep me going. They are discussing what to do next outside as big brother Devon is pooping. They put a smile on my face.

9.19.2015

9:26am

Medications: Effexor 150mg & Abilify 10mg

So we from latuda, trazadone and Abilify to just Effexor and Abilify. I had a severe melt down at my therapy session and switched it a couple months ago. At first the Effexor was working with my depression and anxiety. And now this past month I have been feeling lifeless, no energy or motivation what so ever. Except a couple of days where I had a few hours of a burst of energy.

I have read up on Wellbutrin and learned that it's used for bipolar, depression and anxiety. Also a plus, it's used to help people quit smoking. Which is something I want to do. So my next appointment I will be asking to switch to try it and see if it works for me.

My mood this morning like every other morning is bleh.... I have a hard time waking up. I have to drink my coffee and smoke a cigarette in order to wake up. But after an hour or two of getting to that "hopefully" functioning level I'm ok for a bit, until my mood swings back down. So I'm going to try and get some stuff done while I have my mood in the right place, at least until it swings back down.

Kids are done in the bath, my oldest Devon went across the street to play with his friend, youngest Grayson is running around the house. Let's see what this gal can get done the rest of the morning. I'll touch back in a few hours.

 

My relationship with Ryan (spouse) is really up and down, my biggest trigger for my depression and anxiety. Will have to touch back on that as it goes. I'm currently content with my mood, probably because he is still sleeping, until about 1:30 or so when he wakes up. We shall see how that goes when he wakes up as well. Hopefully it will be a good day for the two of us. Fingers crossed! 😕